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What do kids want in a coach?
We asked kids in an online survey: “What should a coach care about most?” You might expect them to answer “to focus on winning.” But “Put me in, coach!” is what most kids really want.
In fact, the majority didn’t think winning was all that important. Only 7% of girls said coaches should be most concerned with winning, while about 18% of boys said so.
Here’s what boys and girls value most in a coach:
64% said giving everyone a chance to play
27% said teaching new skills
9% said winning
Striving for excellence is a great goal, but when coaches and parents apply too much pressure, kids can get overly worried or push themselves too hard physically, leading to injuries. Some kids may even go on unhealthy diets to lose or gain weight to be better at their sport.
And when sports become too competitive, kids who have only average or below-average skills might spend too much time on the bench instead of learning new skills.
10th Degree master instructor Greg Silva says, “I have been a martial arts instructor for 46 years. I believe there are no better coaches than martial arts teachers.” Martial Arts instructors know that the door to success open “in” not “out”. That means the success to building an athlete who is well balanced yet understands that being in top shape and a top performer begins with the proper attitude, confidence, self esteem, sportsmanship and self control. This building from the “inside out” will prevent kids from being lazy, giving up, or quitting. The nature of martial arts with setting continuous goals is a key to it’s success. And there is no bench to sit on. All kids learn, train and compete while playing the “game” in every class they take.
To see how martial arts teaches so much join us in for a free trial class!
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WHY I NEVER LET MY KIDS QUIT…ANYTHING
From Grown and Flown – parenting never ends.
Quitting. We quit jobs, we quit marriages, we walk out on friendships and sometimes we let people down when the going gets tough. Sometimes it is necessary, even the right thing to do. Our kids quit teams and music lessons, art classes and after school programs.
Sometimes it’s necessary, but sometimes they are bored or don’t like the coach or would just rather play video games at home. Deciding when to let your kids quit something, be it Gymboree, Little League or SAT prep, is a question that never goes away.
My kids have tried it all. I have driven them to sports, found drum teachers, glass blowing lessons, painting and ceramics classes. They have tried their hands at their school newspapers, student government, ESL tutoring and computer programming camp, though why that qualifies as camp, I am sure that I will never know. In the end, they did not commit to most of these activities, but at the same time, I never let them quit a single activity.
Our rule is simple: Try any activity that we have the resources to make possible. Go once, go even twice but if you commit, I told my kids, there will be no quitting. At the risk of overgeneralizing, I think our children have so many choices of ways to enrich their lives that sometimes kids quit an activity as an easy response to frustration or boredom.
I regret many of the things in life that I quit, not because I was enjoying them when I left, but because if I had stuck it out and reached any sort of competency, I might have found that elusive enjoyment. In reality, this meant that my kids had to stick with the team until the season ended or an art class until the sessions ended. There was no walking out on computer camp because it was dumb or quitting drums because we recognized a dearth of musical talent. Every activity was to be seen through to completion.
Why was I so tough on them? Why draw what might seem like an arbitrary line in the sand?
Constancy, commitment and loyalty are all values I hoped to instill in my sons. Learning to endure something even when it became boring or unpleasant, when the coach or teacher didn’t like my kid, or vice versa, seemed a lesson truly worth teaching. I thought that the first time I let them walk away from something just because at that moment it didn’t suit them was the last time I had any credibility about endurance or resilience because the refrain henceforth would have been, “but you let me quit….”
Over time, my kids learned they were never going to be allowed to quit things so they should be careful about what they committed themselves to, because the word commit was going to be taken literally. The result? Good things and bad. Perhaps they didn’t try things they might have, although we usually made clear up front that you could try something (say by going once or twice) but after they signed up we were done with discussions.
But we had bad days, really frustrating end-of-my-rope days. There were tantrums and miserable practices and screaming scenes where I reminded them that this was something they had said they wanted to do. The upside? They had long, enduring relationships with instructors, coaches and teammates who changed and enriched their lives. One high school son has been on the same soccer team for nine years. It is the stuff that childhood memories are made of.
I sound so confident now, but on a weekly and sometimes daily basis I was wracked by self-doubt and misgivings and even now am not sure if what I did was right. The one thing that I have observed is this: My college-age sons have true passions, things they study in school and activities they are involved in outside of the classroom.
Passions are not like dreams for most of us, we don’t wake up one morning and find they have miraculously come to us in the night. Parents often talk about helping kids find their passions. But passions do not always reveal themselves unbidden, as often they are a result of hard work and dedication, the joy that comes of doing something well.
My kids’ passions are the result of endless hours spent learning a subject or mastering a skill. In each case, it is something that in childhood they begged and pleaded with me to quit and in late adolescence they have told me how much they enjoy. I made them stick things out because mastery, even at a child’s level takes time and repetition.
Competence breeds confidence but success and accomplishment breed self-esteem and social well-being. One of my college kids, by his choice, still plays on a soccer team. Yet in a particular parenting low point, I pushed his 12-year-old self out of the car to make him play when the practices had ramped up and become far more difficult.
Martial Arts helps kids learn to stick with things and have fun along the way. Through a series of goal setting and learning new skills kids are constantly motivated, inspired and gain competence. I have personally trained 100 or more black belts kids. They all have gained skills like self esteem, confidence, courage, tenacity and perseverance says 10th degree black belt Greg Silva. Parents tell me “Of course the kids have highs and lows in training. Many have wanted to quit along the way. But that’s okay. It’s okay to want to quit. The real important things is to team up with the parents, child and instructor to make sure the child doesn’t quit when that feeling come along.
~Greg Silva
Come have your child or yourself try a class!
Why Self-Esteem Matters
Building confidence and leaders.
Why Self-Esteem Matters
According to KidsHealth.org when children feel good about themselves, it sets them up for success — in everything from school to friendships. Positive feelings like self-acceptance or self-confidence help kids try new challenges, cope with mistakes, and try again. Taking pride in their abilities and accomplishments helps kids do their best.
By contrast, kids with low self-esteem might feel unsure of themselves. If they think others won’t accept them, they may not participate as often. They may allow themselves to be treated poorly and have a hard time standing up for themselves. Kids who don’t expect to do well may avoid challenges, give up easily, or be unable to bounce back from mistakes.
Having low self-esteem can block success. It can leave kids distracted by the stress of how to deal with everyday challenges.
How Self-Esteem Develops
Contrary to what some might think, self-esteem does not come telling kids they’re wonderful, special, and great (even though they are!). Giving every child a trophy doesn’t help kids’ self-esteem. Indeed, it’s possible for kids to feel good about themselves even when they fail.
When children compete — win or lose — they see that their own hard work and practice can make a difference. Earning a prize contributes to self-esteem only when a kid knows he or she earned it.
Self-esteem is the result of experiences that help a child feel capable, effective, and accepted.
How Martial Arts training can help
When kids learn to do things for themselves and feel proud of what they can do, they feel capable. Martial Arts is fun to learn and performing moves with a class build competence and then confidence.
Children feel effective when they see that good things come from efforts like trying hard, getting close to a goal, or making progress. Earning belts in martial arts is all about goal setting and teaches kids that hard work and effort pays off.
When kids feel accepted and understood by a parent or someone close, they are likely to accept themselves, too. Their good feelings about themselves multiply as their sensei or teacher praise good behaviors, help when needed, and give encouragement and support. Students in martial arts support and encourage each other. Events like graduations, social events and being part of a team of other positive kids is all part of Martial Arts.
Please call or click here for a free class and tour of our school.
Warning Signs your child may be a target of bullies
Warning Signs your child may be a target of bullies.
• Your child comes home missing things or his property has been damaged
• Has injuries he can’t or doesn’t want to explain.
• Has not interaction with other kids after school.
• Seems nervous taking a school bus or walking to school.
• Finds or makes up excuses as to why they can’t go to school
• Takes alternate routes home
• School grades are slipping
• Appears lonely or sad.
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments
• Loss of appetite
• Has lost self confidence.
• Has injuries he can’t or doesn’t want to explain.
• Has not interaction with other kids after school.
• Seems nervous taking a school bus or walking to school.
• Finds or makes up excuses as to why they can’t go to school
• Takes alternate routes home
• School grades are slipping
• Appears lonely or sad.
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments
• Loss of appetite
• Has lost self confidence.
Note: Children with disabilities may be at a higher risk of being bullied than other children.
Noticing signs like these are your cue to talk to your child and his teacher or counselor.
When talking to your child be sure to connect first.
Example – I’ve been seeing a lot of news reports about bullying. It scares me. Is this type of behavior happening at your school? Are you or your friends having any problem with others picking on you? Who are some of your friends at school? Any kids at school you don’t like? Why don’t you like them?
Follow up with the teacher and ask how your child does socially in school? Who he is friends with? Does the teacher think your child could be bullied or teased?
Continue to seek help. If these signs are not those of being bullied you will want to find out what is causing them. If he is being bullied take some action steps to rebuild his confidence self esteem and possibly his self defense skills before things get physical.
One action is to have your child learn martial arts to help them get the confidence they need to succeed.
How active is healthy?
How much physical activity do adults aged 19 and up need to do to stay healthy?
To stay healthy or improve health, adults need to do two types of physical activity each week: aerobic and strength exercises.
To stay healthy, adults should try to be active daily and should do:
at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity such as cycling or brisk walking every week, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity, such as running or a game of singles tennis every week, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
A mix of moderate and vigorous aerobic activity every week. For example, two 30-minute runs plus 30 minutes of brisk walking equates to 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
A good rule is that one minute of vigorous activity provides the same health benefits as two minutes of moderate activity.
One training program that’s been around for 2000 years (must be good) Is martial arts. Martial Arts combines flexibility, aerobic training and strength training. 2 – 3 classes a week will provide a moderate workout for beginners and a vigorous workout for intermediate and advanced students. But there are bonuses. You will be part of a great supportive community and have the benefits of self-defense.
How much activity should your kids be doing?
Parents according to KidsHealth.org Kids this 6 – 12 need physical activity to build strength, coordination, and confidence — and to lay the groundwork for a healthy lifestyle. School-age kids should have many chances to participate in a variety of activities, sports, and games that fit for their personality, ability, age, and interests. Brainstorm with your kids on activities that feel right. Most kids won’t mind a daily dose of fitness as long as it’s fun.
Physical activity guidelines for school-age kids recommend that each day they:
• get 1 hour or more of moderate and vigorous physical activity on most or all days
• participate in several bouts of physical activity of 15 minutes or more each day
• avoid periods of inactivity of 2 hours or more unless sleeping
I have been teaching martial arts for a long time and I don’t know another sport that gives a child everything her or she needs. Two to three sessions a week give kids a structured time schedule for fitness, fun, self defense and protocol. Classes begin with respect and courtesy followed by stretching, strength building, aerobic training, jumping, kicking and learning self control and self defense. Everything the medical community recommends with a healthy dose of fun, says Master Greg Silva from Black Belt Schools International. This is a great time to start kids with training. Many parents are looking for an indoor activity to keeps kids active all winter.
Raising Confident Kids
From Kids Health org and comments by Greg Silva President of Black Belt Schools International.
Raising Confident Kids
It takes confidence to be a kid. Whether going to a new school or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of uncharted territory.
Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their kids so that they’ll bravely take on new challenges and, over time, believe in themselves. While each child is a little different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build kids’ confidence.
Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other words, kids develop confidence not because parents tell them they’re great, but because of their achievements, big and small. Sure, it’s good to hear encouraging words from mom and dad. But words of praise mean more when they refer to a child’s specific efforts or new abilities.
Martial Arts Instructors call this “Stacking”. When students first come aboard we talk to parents about avoiding comparing their kids with other kids. In martial arts students real opponent or competition is themselves. “In the beginning instructors are “good finders” pointing out each child’s strong points and praising them while challenging they to do something more” according to Grand Master Silva.
Once the journey begins kids gain competence at basics, kids, drills, patterns, self defense and free style. They earn and are rewarded belts, stripes and awards for practicing, patience, courtesy, goal setting and more, This “Stacking” of success references gives kids confidence to try new things and reach new levels because they are accomplishing things very few of their peers will ever do. A child that becomes a Black Belt is like a scout that becomes an “Eagle”.
Martial Arts is also just fun, healthy, great for fitness and more. The gift of martial arts lessons is a gift that will go a long way.
The Holiday Unshakable Eights for Stress Release and Happy Holidays
The Holiday Unshakable Eights for Stress Release and Happy Holidays
Walk away from worries
“The rhythm and repetition of walking has a tranquilizing effect on your brain, and it decreases anxiety and improves sleep,” says nutrition-and-wellness expert Ann Kulze, MD. Aim for a brisk, half-hour walk every day.
Do less, enjoy more
“We go overboard to please others during the holidays: shopping, cooking, sending cards, and attending every event,” says George Pratt, PhD, a psychologist at Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla in California. “Instead, take care of yourself by saying no at least once—and maybe more.”
Stick with your daily routine
Prioritize your workouts, book club, etc., and don’t try to squeeze in more holiday than you can handle, says Katherine Muller, PsyD, an assistant professor of psychology at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City
Go tech-free
Constant cell phone buzzes and email alerts keep us in a perpetual fight-or-flight mode due to bursts of adrenaline. Not only is this exhausting, but it contributes to mounting stress levels, especially in women. What better time to turn your gadgets off than during a holiday get-together? Enjoy spending time with your family and friends without worry
Turn up the tunes
Anxious? Listen to your favorite music, whether it’s Jingle Bell Rock or the latest from Jay-Z. Research from the University of Maryland shows that hearing music you love can relax blood vessels and increase blood flow. That not only calms you down but is good for your heart, too.
Fit in exercise
It may be the last thing you feel like doing when you’re stressed out, but going for a run or hitting the gym can actually make you feel better. Research has found that workouts can boost your mood for up to 12 hours.
Stay Positive
Positive thoughts and thinking transfer to positive actions. Look of the best and make active appreciation part of your daily routine.
You may want to consider starting a martial arts class this time of year.
I know you may be thinking “What – something new this time of year?” A true martial arts class is all about mind, body and spirit, according to Greg Silva, president of Black Belt Schools International. “You get healthy exercise and flexibility training, a positive atmosphere and stress release.” Getting started now will be beneficial for your health, stress level as well as jump start your healthy goals for 2018.
We are have beginner Martial Arts classes with open enrolment allowing people to join at any time.
Why Some Kids Try Harder and Some Kids Give Up
Why Some Kids Try Harder
Why Some Kids Try Harder and Some Kids Give Up
By Tracy Cutchlow
My toddler struggled to buckle the straps on her high chair. “Almost,” she muttered as she tried again and again. “Almost,” I agreed, trying not to hover. When she got it, I exclaimed, “You did it! It was hard, but you kept trying, and you did it. I’m so proud of you.”
The way I praised her effort took a little effort on my part. If I hadn’t known better, I might have just said, “Clever girl!” (Or even “Here, let me help you with that.”) What’s so bad about that?
Stanford researcher Carol Dweck has been studying motivation and perseverance since the 1960s. And she found that children fall into one of two categories:
Those with a fixed mindset, who believe their successes are a result of their innate talent or smarts
Those with a growth mindset, who believe their successes are a result of their hard work
Fixed mindset: ‘If you have to work hard, you don’t have ability.’
Kids with a fixed mindset believe that you are stuck with however much intelligence you’re born with. They would agree with this statement: “If you have to work hard, you don’t have ability. If you have ability, things come naturally to you.” When they fail, these kids feel trapped. They start thinking they must not be as talented or smart as everyone’s been telling them. They avoid challenges, fearful that they won’t look smart.
Growth mindset: ‘The more you challenge yourself, the smarter you become.’
Kids with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be cultivated: the more learning you do, the smarter you become. These kids understand that even geniuses must work hard. When they suffer a setback, they believe they can improve by putting in more time and effort. They value learning over looking smart. They persevere through difficult tasks.
What creates these beliefs in our kids? The type of praise we give them — even starting at age 1.
The research
In one study, Dweck gathered up fifth graders, randomly divided them in two groups, and had them work on problems from an IQ test. She then praised the first group for their intelligence:
“Wow, that’s a really good score. You must be smart at this.”
She praised the second group for their effort: (The way we do it in martial arts)
“Wow, that’s a really good score. You must have tried really hard.”
She continued to test the kids, including presenting them with a choice between a harder or easier task.
Kids praised for their effort tended to take the challenging task, knowing they could learn more. They were more likely to continue feeling motivated to learn and to retain their confidence as problems got harder.
Kids praised for their intelligence requested the easier task, knowing there was a higher chance of success. They lost their confidence as problems got harder, and they were much more likely to inflate their test scores when recounting them.
Later, Dweck and her colleagues took the study out of the lab and into the home. Every four months for two years, Stanford and University of Chicago researchers visited fifty-three families and recorded them for ninety minutes as they went about their usual routines. The children were 14 months old at the start of the study.
Researchers then calculated how often parents used each type of praise: praising effort; praising character traits; and “other praise” that has a neutral effect, like “Good!” and “Wow!”
They waited five years.
Then the researchers surveyed the children, now 7 to 8 years old, on their attitudes toward challenges and learning. Children with a growth mindset tended to be more interested in challenges. Which kids had a growth mindset? Those who had heard more process praise as toddlers.
I give more examples of ways to praise effort in my book, Zero to Five: Parenting Tips Based on Science.
Can you unfix a fixed mindset?
I got an email from an inner-city high school teacher. “Is it too late to learn algebra, or third-person singular conjugation, or rocket science if you didn’t [develop a growth mindset] when you were 4 years old?” she asked.
Dweck had the same question. So she took middle-schoolers and college students who had fixed mindsets. She found that the students were able to improve their grades when they were taught that the brain is like a muscle: intelligence is not fixed.
It’s not too late — not for your kids, and not for you. Salman Khan of Khan Academy is on a mission to let you know it. He created an inspiring video, based on Dweck’s work, titled “You Can Learn Anything”:
The message: The brain is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. The way you exercise your brain is by embracing challenges, practicing skills, learning new things. As Khan puts it, “the brain grows most by getting questions wrong, not right.”
Which is why, when my toddler was trying to snap her own buckle, I needed to encourage her to take on the challenge by saying, “Almost!” and “Try again” instead of “Here, let me do that for you.”
Pass it on
Sharing is caring, as they say. “If society as a whole begins to embrace the struggle of learning, there is no end to what that could mean for global human potential,” Khan writes.
So pass it on!
Back to School for Good Grades
Back to School for Good Grades 
Organizing schoolwork would be a breeze for many students if they only follow a few simple tasks on a routine basis. Very often it’s the small details of daily life that slow you down.
The following are some suggestions to maintain good school grades and to be a successful student:
First impressions are often the only impressions you get to make. Make your teacher’s first impression of you one that will help you get good grades and all the help you can use. Use Martial Arts focus. Focus you body – Focus you mind and Focus your eyes.
Remember that your first few classes are your most important classes. This is where you get off on the right foot and to a good start. Concentrate and be alert so you can do your best. Remember how we accept challenges in Martial Arts – be positive “Bing Them On.”
Your room is your castle and your office. Be sure to make it orderly and functional. Keep it clean.
Prepare for tomorrow the night before. Set out your clothes for the next day. Pack your backpack with your completed assignments and books you used. Put it an accessible place so it is ready to go in the morning. Get a good night’s rest.
Start the day in a relaxed and purposeful manner. Set your wake up clock or phone with enough time to do what you have to do in the morning. Thirty minutes is never enough to get ready for school, and it is not fair to you, your grades, or your teacher.
Be on time for school and your classes. Late is never good, while early is almost always the way of the winner.
The best time to do your homework is right after you get home. You will have a better chance of remembering that day’s instruction, and less of a chance if you chose other distractions first. Do it NOW! The best time is NOW!
Rule your own life. If you let the television, video games, or your friends rule your life, then you will not be the winner you should be. You have a life of your own. It is worthwhile and meaningful. Rule it yourself.
Learn how to stop texting and making calls. Use respect, but hang up anyway and stop messaging. Your teachers will not accept a 2-hour texting binge as a reason for poor or incomplete homework. Learn to say, “Can I please call you back in 30 minutes?”
Walk away from situations or people that will destroy your mental or physical growth. Rule your own life. Don’t get caught up with gossip.
Make good use of small blocks of time. There is no rule that says you have to lay comatose while listening to music or watching TV. Do some of the easy stuff at those times.
Have a POSITIVE relationship with your parents and your teachers, and always maintain respect. Show respect at all times, and you will do much better.
BE SELECTIVE IN CHOOSING YOUR FRIENDS. You do not have to be friends with the whole school. Pick out a few people who are headed in the same direction in life that you are. If you hang out with the respectful, intelligent, and safe people, then you will be respectful, intelligent, and safe. Think about it. You tell your best friend that you can only talk to him/her for a few minutes because you have homework. Do they get upset? If your friends cause you to skip the important things, then they are not your friends. If they understand because they are doing the same thing, then you will never be under pressure to do the wrong thing. PICK YOUR FRIENDS WITH CARE. YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME.
Have the phone number of one person in each class minimum. Swap phone numbers so you can exchange notes or other class information, or even get homework assignments if you are sick or absent.
Choose to be a winner. Never accept anything but the best from yourself. If you find yourself in danger, or slipping, ask for help! No one can expect to succeed in school and in life without help.
Have a safe successful and KICK’N school year.